This section added thanks to the Old Prof, Graham Millar (NCCC)
The Purist by Ogden Nash
I give you now Professor Twist
A conscientious scientist.
Trustees exclaimed, "He never bungles!"
And sent him off to distant jungles.
Camped on a tropic riverside,
One day he missed his loving bride.
She had, the guide informed him later,
Been eaten by an alligator.
Professor Twist could not but smile.
"You mean," he said, "a crocodile."
The Turtle by Ogden Nash
The turtle lives'twixt plated decks
Which practically conceal its sex.
I think it clever of the turtle
In such a fix to be so furtile.
Reflections on Ice-Breaking by Ogden Nash
Jenny Kissed Me by Leigh Hunt
Alleged to have been written by Leigh Hunt for Jane Carlyle, wife of Thomas Carlyle
- Jenny kissed me when we met,
- Jumping from the chair she sat in.
- Time, you thief! who love to get
- Sweets into your list, put that in.
- Say I'm weary, say I'm sad;
- Say that health and wealth have missed me;
- Say I'm growing old, but add-
- Jenny kissed me!
Another Cynical Variation by Franklin Adams
Gerald kissed me when he left,
Just before I put the cat out.
Time, you thief, who are so deft
In culling sweet things, please leave that out!
Say I'm happy, never bored,
Say that pain and toil have missed me,
Say I'm young and strong, but Lord
Gerald kissed me!
The Owl And The Pussycat by Edward Lear
The Owl and the Pussy-cat went to sea
In a beautiful pea green boat,
They took some honey, and plenty of money,
Wrapped up in a five pound note.
The Owl looked up to the stars above,
And sang to a small guitar,
'O lovely Pussy! O Pussy my love,
What a beautiful Pussy you are,
What a beautiful Pussy you are!'
Pussy said to the Owl, 'You elegant fowl!
How charmingly sweet you sing!
O let us be married! too long we have tarried:
But what shall we do for a ring?'
They sailed away, for a year and a day,
To the land where the Bong-tree grows
And there in a wood a Piggy-wig stood
With a ring at the end of his nose,
With a ring at the end of his nose.
'Dear pig, are you willing to sell for one shilling
Your ring?' Said the Piggy, 'I will.'
So they took it away, and were married next day
By the Turkey who lives on the hill.
They dined on mince, and slices of quince,
Which they ate with a runcible spoon;
And hand in hand, on the edge of the sand,
They danced by the light of the moon,
They danced by the light of the moon.
(Included for Bob and Jane Wood)